videos and memories and more

Watching the Fac Dance video and the Batch Dance video brought me back to those memories that were from not so long ago...but they seemed like last year.

And they made me remember all those enthu-ness that i used to have when I first stepped into Hwa Chong, as a newbie who doesn't know how to get from A201 to A212. And who doesn't know that the track actually belongs to high school.

Somehow those feelings wore away. fast. perhaps it's due to the lack of sleep and the stress (and as I've come to realise, peer-pressure).

but bit by bit i thought that i was losing all those energy. like what i said in sec 3, like a battery that needs to be recharged but doesnt get the chance, so i'll just slip away and wait for the holidays to start, only to charge back only at the level to enable normal day-to-day functioning.

so last night, when i downloaded (painfully) all those videos into my iTouch and watched them over and over again, thinking about those days when i spinned (often in the wrong direction -.-) dancing with random people and wondering about all the days after orientation.

I used to think that climbing up the Audi and staring at the lecturer (who became tiny XD) was a very cool thing, cos it reminds me of those choir days when we came into the audi and marvel at how big (and ugly) the audi it is. And it is a total different feel than sitting in the Nanyang LT. (though for physics lecture it isn't)

But now because I am so tired and so sleepy i just think that audi is a torture. You know during IP orientation I loved walking through the door and passing by the front row, but now because i have to chiong for class most of the time i only feel dread.


ok, back to the point of discussion.

The whole dance video thing is like a council promotion. like, seriously, they should play it over and over again to encourage ppl to go for council. I totally got back all those drive (etc) to "serve the school and student body". something i realised that I really liked (not for the leadership points but yeah sth i liked).

school...

sometimes I just feel so tired trying to make things work. And at the same time I don't know whether i'm doing the right thing. Like should I just heck care? Or should I just work a bit harder?

And I read don't know what the others are thinking. Sometimes I would really mind what they think of me, and at other times I would think "just let it be".

they say, 走自己的路，让别人去说吧。It's really a thing that's easier said than done.

I think that maybe it's because I've been trying too hard to appear "invisible" during those years in Nanyang, or maybe it's just because I really really want a fresh beginning; for the past few weeks since school started I've been acting like a different person altogether. i think that if i have had a friend in the same class as me I wouldnt be acting like this. Like trying to be enthu and stuff. Maybe i've been too oppressed cos the past few years I tried too hard to ditch my primary school self. and now I'm going too all-out because i hate my secondary school self and want to change. Or maybe I'm just lost in the middle of all these 'self-discovery' journeys. oh well.

ok. enough about all these emo-ing. well come to think of it, I've hardly emo-ed at all for the past few weeks, not because i'm bubbly or optimistic, but because I hardly have time to sleep, let alone drown in my own sorrow about nothing at all.

well at least that's a change. once term 2 starts I think I will revert to my old self again, that quiet, reserved (and somewhat invisible) person who sits at a corner comtemplating about my future and what will happen 20 years later. haha. nevertheless the new environment has done some good to me I suppose, and even if people dont really like me deep inside, well at least I pretend not to know. who cares, nobody is going to remember what happens now after a few years, and what's important is that I enjoy myself and really try all-out. "self-discovery".

Ever since school started after CNY i have never slept before 12.

Oh well, except yesterday.

Cos i fell asleep on the table so i have no choice but to continue sleeping.

I think i wont be suffering from any jet lag now if i were to go to a foreign country. cos my biological clock is no longer functioning normally.