school...

sometimes I just feel so tired trying to make things work. And at the same time I don't know whether i'm doing the right thing. Like should I just heck care? Or should I just work a bit harder?

And I read don't know what the others are thinking. Sometimes I would really mind what they think of me, and at other times I would think "just let it be".

they say, 走自己的路，让别人去说吧。It's really a thing that's easier said than done.

I think that maybe it's because I've been trying too hard to appear "invisible" during those years in Nanyang, or maybe it's just because I really really want a fresh beginning; for the past few weeks since school started I've been acting like a different person altogether. i think that if i have had a friend in the same class as me I wouldnt be acting like this. Like trying to be enthu and stuff. Maybe i've been too oppressed cos the past few years I tried too hard to ditch my primary school self. and now I'm going too all-out because i hate my secondary school self and want to change. Or maybe I'm just lost in the middle of all these 'self-discovery' journeys. oh well.

ok. enough about all these emo-ing. well come to think of it, I've hardly emo-ed at all for the past few weeks, not because i'm bubbly or optimistic, but because I hardly have time to sleep, let alone drown in my own sorrow about nothing at all.

well at least that's a change. once term 2 starts I think I will revert to my old self again, that quiet, reserved (and somewhat invisible) person who sits at a corner comtemplating about my future and what will happen 20 years later. haha. nevertheless the new environment has done some good to me I suppose, and even if people dont really like me deep inside, well at least I pretend not to know. who cares, nobody is going to remember what happens now after a few years, and what's important is that I enjoy myself and really try all-out. "self-discovery".