Nostalgia...

As much as I want to be cool and appreciate what I have now, I couldnt help but to feel a sting of pain whenever I remember those days in choir, or when I see rioHC performing, singing, laughing and appearing on TV together. sometimes I wondered if that's the reason why I often refrain from speaking too much to "niu niu"; perhaps he reminds me too much of the things that I have lost and given up when I stepped out from M301 last year and never turned back again. For the past 8 months I have chosen not to remember, not to hear anything, and basically not talking much about my past CCA--a CCA that I have loved a lot.

there are times when I ask myself what is the reason that made me leave choir; I tell people that I want a new change, and that's the same reason that I gave myself when I painfully tore myself away from all those memories and remembrances. Deep in my heart I suppose that I love it alot; definitely more than I love LEP or ICS; after all, it has been my second home for four years and I have spent more time laughing and crying in it than in classrooms. The past four years were not a very happy one for me; I chose to become a introvert for no reason and hid my real self in my shell throughout my entire secondary school term. I think people who have no dedication towards their CCA in nanyang cannot understand what I'm feeling, to them CCA is just a place to earn points and nothing more than a reflection in testimonial. you cannot expect return when you did not put in effort in the first place.

Rational thinking and logic have told me that my choice had been a correct one; I have attained most if not all my goals that I set in the beginning of the year. (except the grades part).

I want LEP--I got it.

Scholarship--check.

open up more to people and make lots of friends--check.
contribute more to class--check.

have a fun cca--check.

ct rep--failed.

lep council--failed.

(one pres for cca is enough to make up for the above)

ocip cambodia--failed. (I'm pinning all hopes on Nanjing)

and above all, I got a bunch of buddies who care for me. I know that they truely wished me well and are the ones who really felt happy for me when I told them about my cca post. I can see from their eyes that they felt really sorry for me that I failed two elections in a row; and they are the ones who really congratulated me later on. Perhaps it's due to the lack of conflict of interest, but no one else's in my cca (except tong and ah ma), and the typical reaction is: portfolio and the like. I have expected the friendships to be beyond that...

I'm really looking forward to Nanjing trip. There are times when I see my friends and I feel this chasm between us growing wider and wider and I cant do anything. It's like a waltz gone all wrong; we takes turns to step but they are uncoordinated and we either end up bumping into each other or move away totally. Im pinning my hopes on the trip to bring back all that affections.