Nostalgia...

As much as I want to be cool and appreciate what I have now, I couldnt help but to feel a sting of pain whenever I remember those days in choir, or when I see rioHC performing, singing, laughing and appearing on TV together. sometimes I wondered if that's the reason why I often refrain from speaking too much to "niu niu"; perhaps he reminds me too much of the things that I have lost and given up when I stepped out from M301 last year and never turned back again. For the past 8 months I have chosen not to remember, not to hear anything, and basically not talking much about my past CCA--a CCA that I have loved a lot.

there are times when I ask myself what is the reason that made me leave choir; I tell people that I want a new change, and that's the same reason that I gave myself when I painfully tore myself away from all those memories and remembrances. Deep in my heart I suppose that I love it alot; definitely more than I love LEP or ICS; after all, it has been my second home for four years and I have spent more time laughing and crying in it than in classrooms. The past four years were not a very happy one for me; I chose to become a introvert for no reason and hid my real self in my shell throughout my entire secondary school term. I think people who have no dedication towards their CCA in nanyang cannot understand what I'm feeling, to them CCA is just a place to earn points and nothing more than a reflection in testimonial. you cannot expect return when you did not put in effort in the first place.

Rational thinking and logic have told me that my choice had been a correct one; I have attained most if not all my goals that I set in the beginning of the year. (except the grades part).

I want LEP--I got it.

Scholarship--check.

open up more to people and make lots of friends--check.
contribute more to class--check.

have a fun cca--check.

ct rep--failed.

lep council--failed.

(one pres for cca is enough to make up for the above)

ocip cambodia--failed. (I'm pinning all hopes on Nanjing)

and above all, I got a bunch of buddies who care for me. I know that they truely wished me well and are the ones who really felt happy for me when I told them about my cca post. I can see from their eyes that they felt really sorry for me that I failed two elections in a row; and they are the ones who really congratulated me later on. Perhaps it's due to the lack of conflict of interest, but no one else's in my cca (except tong and ah ma), and the typical reaction is: portfolio and the like. I have expected the friendships to be beyond that...

I'm really looking forward to Nanjing trip. There are times when I see my friends and I feel this chasm between us growing wider and wider and I cant do anything. It's like a waltz gone all wrong; we takes turns to step but they are uncoordinated and we either end up bumping into each other or move away totally. Im pinning my hopes on the trip to bring back all that affections.

经典语录#1

经典#1：
话说某一天中午吃饭时。。。

京城来的金鱼（以下简称“京”鱼）：Ask you arh, what is the things that is greater than God, worse than evil, and if you eat it you die?

阿嬷：……
froggie: ……
阿嬷：……

京鱼：Nothing!!!

All: har?...suddenly reach epiphany...orh!!!...chey!?!


经典#2:
Friday morning and all the flag bearers are missing. As a result, there is not flag being raised while the national anthem was played. Man, this is probably the first time in my life. Oh wait. It IS the first time. haha.

After flag raising, as we were walking through central plaza:
Me: Nana, you know, there was no flag this morning?
Nana: (looking at the poles) got!!! see there're flags there.
Me: ...they raised it after wards.

...more to be come, but 阿嬷is too tired today, and i cant type anymore.

Racial Harmony Day, Zaobao, and EMB

I was wondering yesterday why Wen Cong would read Zaobao and get a snapshot of that small little piece of article I wrote about RHD. I mean, the article was so tiny I could barely see it when I flipped the paper through today.

Then, on the bus, I was wondering how chaoyong knows that I wrote a small little piece of article and got it published on Zaobao. (He was very nice about it though, thank you^^)

And just now (like, 10 seconds earlier), I was diligently reading everyone of those 38 unread msg on EMB and I FINALLY REALISED WHY!!!!!!

cos they put the article on EMB! but that's not the point.

they put my name (in bold) AND CLASS as well.

like, yeah I know they can just directly translate my name into Hanyu Pinyin and it'll sound the name, but how on earth did they 'kope' my class out? this is very very scary. I wrote something and the next thing I know, EVERY OTHER person knows that it was published in zaobao except me. it was kaien who tagged wen cong's photo who saw it on EMB and posted it on facebook.

..................

ok, im digressing away from my main point, as always. the truth is, i dont really mind my name and class appearing on EMB, but I'm super embarrassed this time because my article is very. very. VERY VERY short. the editors cut the entire chunk out and those printed on EMB is like my first 2 paragraphs. THE SUMMARISED version of my first 2 paragraphs.

and great, now everyone is gonna think that Lingxuan's chinese is so bad; she can only write 2 simple, dry paragraphs.

anyway, in case anyone wants to read, here's the original article :

难忘今天——华侨中学庆祝种族和谐日

咦？踢毽子、印度舞、娘惹糕、沙爹、传统服装秀……华侨中学（高中部）的学生们不在教室里好好上课，奇装异服地来学校干什么？原来是一年一度的种族和谐日到了。
今年，为了配合种族和谐日，华侨中学（高中部）举办了为期一周多姿多彩的活动，让学生在轻松愉快的气氛中了解认识不同种族的风俗和习惯。今年的主题是：“拥抱多元文化，建设共同社会”。
学校请专人准备了华、印、巫各民族的传统美食，供师生们品尝；还举办了各民族传统游戏比赛等；活动的高潮聚焦在评选班级最佳传统服装秀。为了以最亮眼的姿态出现，为班级争光，同学们从几个星期前就开始物色合适的服装。别看华侨中学是以华族学生占绝对优势，可学生们精心挑选的服装却是以其他民族的传统服装为主，有印度族、马来族、越南服装等等。女生们偏爱印族服装，可能和它讲究的用料、飘逸的造型，能够把女孩姣美的身段以婀娜多姿的形式展现出来有关吧。男生则注重团体的气势，整个班级统一着装马来服或印度服，突显其阳刚之气。压轴戏服装秀在星期五举行，星期五（2010年7月23日）当天，整个校园焕然一新，充满了节日的气息，缤纷的色彩洋溢着和谐与融洽。摄影社的学生们更是忙得不亦乐乎，他们设立免费照相处，为同学们捕捉这美丽的时刻。班级服装秀开始，整个礼堂的气氛马上沸腾起来，平日沉默寡言的同学们一到台上，都显现出另类的一面，走猫步的姿势可媲美专业模特儿，引起台下一阵阵喝彩声。
今年的桂冠——最佳传统服装奖，由理科班10S67摘得。女生的靓丽，男生的帅气，班主任的积极参与和支持，都在他们身着的传统服装中展现出来——拥抱多元文化，建设共同社会！10S67的黄诗荣同学说：“全班同学一起穿上传统服装是一个很特别的体验，特别是男生们，整班同学都穿上一样的沙笼，这样的经历恐怕今后都很难再有了，日后相信会成为美好的回忆。”黄巧玲同学也觉得，全班一起穿上传统服装体现了大家团结一致的精神，同学之间的感情也在过程中进一步加深。这正是庆祝种族和谐日的目的——虽然大家的背景和习俗不同，但因为有共同的目标，人们都团结一心，排除困难，一起迎接挑战。
每个新加坡人都应该庆祝种族和谐日，因为它能不断地提醒国人不要忘记历史的教训，让人人都怀有一颗感恩的心，不要把现在难得的和谐视作理所当然。全体国人应团结一心，珍惜现在，共同创造美好的明天！

照片：最佳传统服装奖—10S67班 班级合照 （由华侨中学（高中部）提供）
It's not great, I know.

this is a late post. but internet hasnt been working well and my finished post got deleted over and over again so it's harder each time to pick up and restart.

anyway, I just want to say that I was so happy on Friday!!! cos WE WON THE BEST DRESSED CT!!!! yay^^

i think the guys in my class are really really nice lor. i mean, i really understand that it takes a lot of courage for a guy to wear sarung for one whole day and walk around in the school in it. even though it is ethnic costume and all, the way they wear it it looks more like skirts. plus they have to put up with all the walking in small steps and sitting down properly in it.

so they were very nice!!! without them we wouldnt have made such a big impact. haha.

Racial Harmony Day

I'm so happy and hyper today. Cos my class is great. and my classmates are even greater. (pardon me for the wrong english usage)

they sliced me open with a knife and left me bleeding on my own. surprisingly i healed. at a pretty fast rate too. even though underneath my skin it still hurts but i try not to show it or rub at my scar that often.

i thought that that was the worst. but i was wrong.

just as i thought that i had fully recovered, they sliced me again, and on the exact same spot. Worse, the cut is deeper than the previous one, and you even poked at my most painful point. i try to think that you arent deliberate, but i hoped that you would just leave me alone. dont try to put in fake comforting words that dont sound sincere in the tiniest bit. sometimes i just need a quiet corner to tend to my wounds, and the last thing i need is to expose myself under the broad sun and wait to be eaten up by all of you.

i know that the worst is yet to come. i try to prepare myself beforehand and wait for the storm.

after this time, i hope that i will grow stronger. not just mentally, i have had enough of it already. i mean literally, physically. cos if there is one thing that i have learnt from all these battles, it is that only the strongest will survive. and sometimes, there just isnt any place for number 2s. be number 1 and look down at the rest, or be number 2 and bear the trauma that is worse than being a nobody.

I want a boyfriend

I want a boyfriend.
so that I can vent all my frustrations on him and cry and punch him because I'm freaking out now. It's 8.48pm on Monday night and I still cant finish my EoM and zuowen. And all those tutorials that I promised myself I would do.

I want to boyfriend because then I would realise how nice guys are. Im sorry to say it but I have a really really bad impression of the opposite sex now, thanks to my schoolmates. Some of them are gentlemen, and the rest are just childish imps who are big show-offs at the same time. I want more of the gentlemen kind.

Most importantly, they are good because then I can have someone to lean on (comfortably) and not on poor Jenn's shoulders everytime. I think she's going to grow shorter by the end of JC2.

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ok, the above is random. they do not reflect my real feelings.