I just realised that my previous post was the 100th.

I'm so amazed at myself for being able to post 100 crappy stories online. I would have been a great funny joker in class had i put in more effort to become one.

which brings me back to the reason why I wanted to write this post.

It's just that school has started for 2 terms (omg really? to be exact 3 months if you count after CNY) and i felt that everyone has pretty much changed alot. like what I said in my previous post if you compare the photo we took during CNY celebration with the photo NOW you can basically notice a big big difference in people's expression, everyone is so tensed up nowadays and a lot of us had lost all that vigour and fun that we had back in Feb.

Seeing one of my classmates talking and laughing happily for 1/2 hour on wednesday made me wonder why we all dont do that more often. is it because it has gotten more competitive (yes I've been asked almost immediately "how much you get?" after every tiny quiz no matter how insignificant its overall percentage is), and sometimes I wished I had chosen to go for SMTP instead. Because even though I joked that "I cant get in la" deep inside I know that once I had made that decision I would really push and worked hard during the holidays. Like how I memorised all the pre-flight checks last year in one night because I didnt want my instructor to kick me out right from sortie 1.

It's not that I dont like my class. Really, I liked CLL class and how we sometimes would engage, or rather, listen to mingyuan and the teacher engage in intellectually stimulating debates about chinese. But i think all the work and the stress and now the pressure had taken their toll and i dont like the way that the class is not communicating now.

I wouldnt say that it's not my fault;afterall I'm in a way responsible for bringing up the class bonding-ness and stuff, but what else can I say and what else can I do now, when I'm no longer in-charge? Deep down I'm afraid of what people will say if I had taken bigger steps in this sensitive period.

For now I should focus on my academics instead. My grades have been dropping since the first test and I really need to buck up if I want to get anything at all. Let nature takes its course then for the rest of the stuff.