looking at my ISP results and I was (am) so depressed...

and I felt worse as I was reading through the emcee script.

I really dont deserve the award. best student????? and this is the kind of shit result I produce????

i mean, i can push the blame to the project for CSC, for the fact that i just scraped through a B (a B!!!!!! sounds nice yeah, but it's a 60% only. pass, in my words)

this is really, really the first time I'm doing so badly for all my subjects. I mean, I didnt really do my homework and stuff back when I was in Nanyang, but I can still do well in my tests and at the end of the term, i just joked that my daily assignments pull me down by like, 5 marks/per subject.

and gone were those days when I can slack through.

I mean, really, i got no one to blame. I did slack alot after the Japan exchange programme, I think it somehow sucked my soul out of me cos i was so tired and so tired everyday. and i never really recovered.

still, it doesnt erase the fact that my reults were disappointing and that i've disappointed my teachers. and betrayed those trust that they had given me. god knows how much opportunities they gave me to help me be a better student and build on my portfolio.

Still, better keep this in my head all the time!!! it's really a wake up call now and what the seniors and teachers say are true--in JC you cant just study the day before and hope that you can do well. it takes practise and discipline and REAL work

I want to slap myself.