我真的是需要一个假期吧……
以为我可以一直像个超人一样冲到底，但毕竟我只是普通人。
假期两天了，忙来忙去的同时我也想了很多（都是在等地铁的时候想的），对于Term1 Term2 的反思，还有未来的打算，对现在生活的看法。
在什么地方就要适应什么样的生活，我想，我没有抱怨的选择权。Week10的时候整个人就像个怨妇，很感谢同学门挺着耳朵听到底。至于其他的抱怨我就不说了。
去了报馆一下，仿佛回到了中学的世界。觉得自己这四个月来变的很肤浅。（近墨者黑？）
离开南洋后才发现我很怀念那些日子。我喜欢以前那种穿梭于两点一线外加concert的日子。
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
really feels very very guilty towards baoguan.
i havent been there for weeks, and I should have gone.
come to think of it,
it's been two months now.
yeah yeah I've done the editing and designed the layout, but those have been edited yet again by the zuzhangs and I havent really done much.
I think they are going to be disappointed.
come to think of it, I shouldnt have joined zaobao only this year. cos it's only after i started school that I realised that it's near impossible to go to baoguan on saturdays.
salute to those zuzhangs who have been going there all the while. they are really really IMBA.
i havent been there for weeks, and I should have gone.
come to think of it,
it's been two months now.
yeah yeah I've done the editing and designed the layout, but those have been edited yet again by the zuzhangs and I havent really done much.
I think they are going to be disappointed.
come to think of it, I shouldnt have joined zaobao only this year. cos it's only after i started school that I realised that it's near impossible to go to baoguan on saturdays.
salute to those zuzhangs who have been going there all the while. they are really really IMBA.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
looking at my ISP results and I was (am) so depressed...
and I felt worse as I was reading through the emcee script.
I really dont deserve the award. best student????? and this is the kind of shit result I produce????
i mean, i can push the blame to the project for CSC, for the fact that i just scraped through a B (a B!!!!!! sounds nice yeah, but it's a 60% only. pass, in my words)
this is really, really the first time I'm doing so badly for all my subjects. I mean, I didnt really do my homework and stuff back when I was in Nanyang, but I can still do well in my tests and at the end of the term, i just joked that my daily assignments pull me down by like, 5 marks/per subject.
and gone were those days when I can slack through.
I mean, really, i got no one to blame. I did slack alot after the Japan exchange programme, I think it somehow sucked my soul out of me cos i was so tired and so tired everyday. and i never really recovered.
still, it doesnt erase the fact that my reults were disappointing and that i've disappointed my teachers. and betrayed those trust that they had given me. god knows how much opportunities they gave me to help me be a better student and build on my portfolio.
Still, better keep this in my head all the time!!! it's really a wake up call now and what the seniors and teachers say are true--in JC you cant just study the day before and hope that you can do well. it takes practise and discipline and REAL work
I want to slap myself.
and I felt worse as I was reading through the emcee script.
I really dont deserve the award. best student????? and this is the kind of shit result I produce????
i mean, i can push the blame to the project for CSC, for the fact that i just scraped through a B (a B!!!!!! sounds nice yeah, but it's a 60% only. pass, in my words)
this is really, really the first time I'm doing so badly for all my subjects. I mean, I didnt really do my homework and stuff back when I was in Nanyang, but I can still do well in my tests and at the end of the term, i just joked that my daily assignments pull me down by like, 5 marks/per subject.
and gone were those days when I can slack through.
I mean, really, i got no one to blame. I did slack alot after the Japan exchange programme, I think it somehow sucked my soul out of me cos i was so tired and so tired everyday. and i never really recovered.
still, it doesnt erase the fact that my reults were disappointing and that i've disappointed my teachers. and betrayed those trust that they had given me. god knows how much opportunities they gave me to help me be a better student and build on my portfolio.
Still, better keep this in my head all the time!!! it's really a wake up call now and what the seniors and teachers say are true--in JC you cant just study the day before and hope that you can do well. it takes practise and discipline and REAL work
I want to slap myself.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I just realised that my previous post was the 100th.
I'm so amazed at myself for being able to post 100 crappy stories online. I would have been a great funny joker in class had i put in more effort to become one.
which brings me back to the reason why I wanted to write this post.
It's just that school has started for 2 terms (omg really? to be exact 3 months if you count after CNY) and i felt that everyone has pretty much changed alot. like what I said in my previous post if you compare the photo we took during CNY celebration with the photo NOW you can basically notice a big big difference in people's expression, everyone is so tensed up nowadays and a lot of us had lost all that vigour and fun that we had back in Feb.
Seeing one of my classmates talking and laughing happily for 1/2 hour on wednesday made me wonder why we all dont do that more often. is it because it has gotten more competitive (yes I've been asked almost immediately "how much you get?" after every tiny quiz no matter how insignificant its overall percentage is), and sometimes I wished I had chosen to go for SMTP instead. Because even though I joked that "I cant get in la" deep inside I know that once I had made that decision I would really push and worked hard during the holidays. Like how I memorised all the pre-flight checks last year in one night because I didnt want my instructor to kick me out right from sortie 1.
It's not that I dont like my class. Really, I liked CLL class and how we sometimes would engage, or rather, listen to mingyuan and the teacher engage in intellectually stimulating debates about chinese. But i think all the work and the stress and now the pressure had taken their toll and i dont like the way that the class is not communicating now.
I wouldnt say that it's not my fault;afterall I'm in a way responsible for bringing up the class bonding-ness and stuff, but what else can I say and what else can I do now, when I'm no longer in-charge? Deep down I'm afraid of what people will say if I had taken bigger steps in this sensitive period.
For now I should focus on my academics instead. My grades have been dropping since the first test and I really need to buck up if I want to get anything at all. Let nature takes its course then for the rest of the stuff.
I'm so amazed at myself for being able to post 100 crappy stories online. I would have been a great funny joker in class had i put in more effort to become one.
which brings me back to the reason why I wanted to write this post.
It's just that school has started for 2 terms (omg really? to be exact 3 months if you count after CNY) and i felt that everyone has pretty much changed alot. like what I said in my previous post if you compare the photo we took during CNY celebration with the photo NOW you can basically notice a big big difference in people's expression, everyone is so tensed up nowadays and a lot of us had lost all that vigour and fun that we had back in Feb.
Seeing one of my classmates talking and laughing happily for 1/2 hour on wednesday made me wonder why we all dont do that more often. is it because it has gotten more competitive (yes I've been asked almost immediately "how much you get?" after every tiny quiz no matter how insignificant its overall percentage is), and sometimes I wished I had chosen to go for SMTP instead. Because even though I joked that "I cant get in la" deep inside I know that once I had made that decision I would really push and worked hard during the holidays. Like how I memorised all the pre-flight checks last year in one night because I didnt want my instructor to kick me out right from sortie 1.
It's not that I dont like my class. Really, I liked CLL class and how we sometimes would engage, or rather, listen to mingyuan and the teacher engage in intellectually stimulating debates about chinese. But i think all the work and the stress and now the pressure had taken their toll and i dont like the way that the class is not communicating now.
I wouldnt say that it's not my fault;afterall I'm in a way responsible for bringing up the class bonding-ness and stuff, but what else can I say and what else can I do now, when I'm no longer in-charge? Deep down I'm afraid of what people will say if I had taken bigger steps in this sensitive period.
For now I should focus on my academics instead. My grades have been dropping since the first test and I really need to buck up if I want to get anything at all. Let nature takes its course then for the rest of the stuff.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
chasing after portfolios...
I really dont understand why people have to be so worked up just because they didnt get what they want. I mean, fac comm results were released today (today right? im not sure hehe) and people were all "this failure"..."must learn to accept"..."must be contented"...
Is it because they are sorry they didnt get a chance to really do something for the faculty, or are they sad because they didnt get THAT chance to boost their portfolios??? Or is it because, that they have been successful so far in their lifes, and they really think that they are the best and that they are better than others and that they always deserve to get what they want to get????
I think that is the setback of being in a position that you havent experienced failure yet and you are 17/18/19. Because, being in successful in school is not equal to, and does not mean at all that you are going to be successul elsewhere. espcially when your JC is affliated with your secondary school and basically all the people get all the positions that they want because all their friends are voting for them.
Sadly, this is not the case at all when you are out in society. Sometimes I wonder if those so called high-achievers are really able to achieve at all after they have left the shelter of their schools.
btw, 63 has 5 fac comm members. OMG. hmm a class of talents haha.
Is it because they are sorry they didnt get a chance to really do something for the faculty, or are they sad because they didnt get THAT chance to boost their portfolios??? Or is it because, that they have been successful so far in their lifes, and they really think that they are the best and that they are better than others and that they always deserve to get what they want to get????
I think that is the setback of being in a position that you havent experienced failure yet and you are 17/18/19. Because, being in successful in school is not equal to, and does not mean at all that you are going to be successul elsewhere. espcially when your JC is affliated with your secondary school and basically all the people get all the positions that they want because all their friends are voting for them.
Sadly, this is not the case at all when you are out in society. Sometimes I wonder if those so called high-achievers are really able to achieve at all after they have left the shelter of their schools.
btw, 63 has 5 fac comm members. OMG. hmm a class of talents haha.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
lala im 18 now...
Today is my birthday!!! woohooo!!
after 17 years of bdae anticipation I think i might have just gotten rid of that problem. I remembered that when I was 8 years old turning 9, I would count down to my birthday 3 months before and everyday all I could think of is what cake I should get. I mean, it's not like I don't get to eat cakes on other days, but I think the prospect of singing song and blowing candle is kind of very alluring. Well I still think it is.
I was wondering today, when I woke up in the morning, why I don't feel all the adrenaline rush as I always did before? perhaps it is due to the fact that school ends at 5pm today and that I have CSC tomorrow, so I'll most probably end up mugging tonight and don't really get any real celebration time. Or perhaps it's just all those years in Nanyang when I hoped and got disappointed so I don't really think about it anymore. I strongly suspect the latter haha.
Still, I was touched by my friends who wished me happy birthday and gave me the presents. Thanks Jenn Shen Le Mingyuan for the treat on Monday (haha and burning a hole in your pocket), I'm not a very expressive person in nature (despite the fact that I talk a lot in class) so I didnt really show how happy I was. and to Nana who gave me all the pretty earrings!! I was planning to buy new pairs but always don't have time. So I really liked that ^^.
And Lanxin who called me so many times but I kept missing them! O.o oh well i just have a very very not-so-accomodating timetable. Still I really appreciated that!
and kaien! haha whether you are joking or not it's still quite fun la hahaXD
And of course jian xun! (hmm if i write your name like this wont get seen by googling them right?) It's a miracle that I've got yet another classmate who has the same birthday as me. and that card is really really nice present le, though just as you predicted you wrote my name wrongly hehe.
Lastly to all those who wished me happy birthday!
oh btw, 本人 did a test on Facebook just now. you know, i had always clicked 'dont show my birthday" on facebook, so at 6.30pm I changed it to 'show birthday" and then birthday wishes started to flood in^^ oh well let's not explore too deep into what this means. just want to say a big thank you to everyone!
Really, I'm a person who wouldn't judge how big the present is or what you give. Like what I gave others as presents, what I really like is the 心意 and the warm feeling that just flows out.
Overall it's been a pretty ordinary but wonderful and sweet day. cos this is posted on the blog i hope not-so-many people can see it. ^^
after 17 years of bdae anticipation I think i might have just gotten rid of that problem. I remembered that when I was 8 years old turning 9, I would count down to my birthday 3 months before and everyday all I could think of is what cake I should get. I mean, it's not like I don't get to eat cakes on other days, but I think the prospect of singing song and blowing candle is kind of very alluring. Well I still think it is.
I was wondering today, when I woke up in the morning, why I don't feel all the adrenaline rush as I always did before? perhaps it is due to the fact that school ends at 5pm today and that I have CSC tomorrow, so I'll most probably end up mugging tonight and don't really get any real celebration time. Or perhaps it's just all those years in Nanyang when I hoped and got disappointed so I don't really think about it anymore. I strongly suspect the latter haha.
Still, I was touched by my friends who wished me happy birthday and gave me the presents. Thanks Jenn Shen Le Mingyuan for the treat on Monday (haha and burning a hole in your pocket), I'm not a very expressive person in nature (despite the fact that I talk a lot in class) so I didnt really show how happy I was. and to Nana who gave me all the pretty earrings!! I was planning to buy new pairs but always don't have time. So I really liked that ^^.
And Lanxin who called me so many times but I kept missing them! O.o oh well i just have a very very not-so-accomodating timetable. Still I really appreciated that!
and kaien! haha whether you are joking or not it's still quite fun la hahaXD
And of course jian xun! (hmm if i write your name like this wont get seen by googling them right?) It's a miracle that I've got yet another classmate who has the same birthday as me. and that card is really really nice present le, though just as you predicted you wrote my name wrongly hehe.
Lastly to all those who wished me happy birthday!
oh btw, 本人 did a test on Facebook just now. you know, i had always clicked 'dont show my birthday" on facebook, so at 6.30pm I changed it to 'show birthday" and then birthday wishes started to flood in^^ oh well let's not explore too deep into what this means. just want to say a big thank you to everyone!
Really, I'm a person who wouldn't judge how big the present is or what you give. Like what I gave others as presents, what I really like is the 心意 and the warm feeling that just flows out.
Overall it's been a pretty ordinary but wonderful and sweet day. cos this is posted on the blog i hope not-so-many people can see it. ^^
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)