it seems that I have never had any june hol this year. yeah, sure, I went to camps (X3, to be specific), listened to lectures (definitely more than 10), ate wonderful food (who eats cheesecake in the morning?)and attended multiple events all on the same day. But as holidays are coming to the end and block test starting, I have been thinkng lately (while dazed at my physics paper and worrying about CLL and the not-yet-touched CSC) whether it was all worth it. Or rather, whether it was worth going for those events in the first place.
I suppose one would call it a 'fulfilling' month, because when people asked me what I have been doing during the holiday and I recounted those endless events that I attended, they usually commented on my hectic schedule and complimented(?) that I have been 'doing a lot'. And it was fun to some extent too. During those days I used this as an excuse not to mug and life revolves around going forvarious activities and sleeping. But lately I have found myself more pragmatic I suppose? as I weighed these so called 'committements' and lamented the fact that they cant be used in scholarship applications, nor portfolios.
Maybe I should just have worked harder, and focus on one or two or more of these, since anyway I have to spend so much time why not make it 'listed' in my portfolio?
-----this is a random break line cos the following paragraphs are of a totally differnt topic--
Well it might not have been a most satisfying holiday, I am still grateful for this timely break because it has helped me to gain back the balance, cool, and attitude that I had back when I was in Nanyang. I am not complaining about Hwachong, or the people; but it seems that there are a certain group of people who feel insecure, or who are simply too pleased with their achievements thus far, that they would often consciously or unconsciously hint to the rest that they are great and smart and capable. And I am ashamed to acknowledge that in a spite of anger at their attitudes I have downgraded myself to mimicking their actions.
So holidays have come I met my old friends who have been there with me when I was in secondary school, and it hit me right in the head one day in baoguan that I have become quite foolish and stupid (yes stupid) during that short journey in 1 1/2 terms that I have become exactly the type of people that I most hate. And sucking in those air that made my face burn in shame I hope that I have become the old me. i hope people interprete this positively.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
really feels very very guilty towards baoguan.
i havent been there for weeks, and I should have gone.
come to think of it,
it's been two months now.
yeah yeah I've done the editing and designed the layout, but those have been edited yet again by the zuzhangs and I havent really done much.
I think they are going to be disappointed.
come to think of it, I shouldnt have joined zaobao only this year. cos it's only after i started school that I realised that it's near impossible to go to baoguan on saturdays.
salute to those zuzhangs who have been going there all the while. they are really really IMBA.
i havent been there for weeks, and I should have gone.
come to think of it,
it's been two months now.
yeah yeah I've done the editing and designed the layout, but those have been edited yet again by the zuzhangs and I havent really done much.
I think they are going to be disappointed.
come to think of it, I shouldnt have joined zaobao only this year. cos it's only after i started school that I realised that it's near impossible to go to baoguan on saturdays.
salute to those zuzhangs who have been going there all the while. they are really really IMBA.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
looking at my ISP results and I was (am) so depressed...
and I felt worse as I was reading through the emcee script.
I really dont deserve the award. best student????? and this is the kind of shit result I produce????
i mean, i can push the blame to the project for CSC, for the fact that i just scraped through a B (a B!!!!!! sounds nice yeah, but it's a 60% only. pass, in my words)
this is really, really the first time I'm doing so badly for all my subjects. I mean, I didnt really do my homework and stuff back when I was in Nanyang, but I can still do well in my tests and at the end of the term, i just joked that my daily assignments pull me down by like, 5 marks/per subject.
and gone were those days when I can slack through.
I mean, really, i got no one to blame. I did slack alot after the Japan exchange programme, I think it somehow sucked my soul out of me cos i was so tired and so tired everyday. and i never really recovered.
still, it doesnt erase the fact that my reults were disappointing and that i've disappointed my teachers. and betrayed those trust that they had given me. god knows how much opportunities they gave me to help me be a better student and build on my portfolio.
Still, better keep this in my head all the time!!! it's really a wake up call now and what the seniors and teachers say are true--in JC you cant just study the day before and hope that you can do well. it takes practise and discipline and REAL work
I want to slap myself.
and I felt worse as I was reading through the emcee script.
I really dont deserve the award. best student????? and this is the kind of shit result I produce????
i mean, i can push the blame to the project for CSC, for the fact that i just scraped through a B (a B!!!!!! sounds nice yeah, but it's a 60% only. pass, in my words)
this is really, really the first time I'm doing so badly for all my subjects. I mean, I didnt really do my homework and stuff back when I was in Nanyang, but I can still do well in my tests and at the end of the term, i just joked that my daily assignments pull me down by like, 5 marks/per subject.
and gone were those days when I can slack through.
I mean, really, i got no one to blame. I did slack alot after the Japan exchange programme, I think it somehow sucked my soul out of me cos i was so tired and so tired everyday. and i never really recovered.
still, it doesnt erase the fact that my reults were disappointing and that i've disappointed my teachers. and betrayed those trust that they had given me. god knows how much opportunities they gave me to help me be a better student and build on my portfolio.
Still, better keep this in my head all the time!!! it's really a wake up call now and what the seniors and teachers say are true--in JC you cant just study the day before and hope that you can do well. it takes practise and discipline and REAL work
I want to slap myself.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I just realised that my previous post was the 100th.
I'm so amazed at myself for being able to post 100 crappy stories online. I would have been a great funny joker in class had i put in more effort to become one.
which brings me back to the reason why I wanted to write this post.
It's just that school has started for 2 terms (omg really? to be exact 3 months if you count after CNY) and i felt that everyone has pretty much changed alot. like what I said in my previous post if you compare the photo we took during CNY celebration with the photo NOW you can basically notice a big big difference in people's expression, everyone is so tensed up nowadays and a lot of us had lost all that vigour and fun that we had back in Feb.
Seeing one of my classmates talking and laughing happily for 1/2 hour on wednesday made me wonder why we all dont do that more often. is it because it has gotten more competitive (yes I've been asked almost immediately "how much you get?" after every tiny quiz no matter how insignificant its overall percentage is), and sometimes I wished I had chosen to go for SMTP instead. Because even though I joked that "I cant get in la" deep inside I know that once I had made that decision I would really push and worked hard during the holidays. Like how I memorised all the pre-flight checks last year in one night because I didnt want my instructor to kick me out right from sortie 1.
It's not that I dont like my class. Really, I liked CLL class and how we sometimes would engage, or rather, listen to mingyuan and the teacher engage in intellectually stimulating debates about chinese. But i think all the work and the stress and now the pressure had taken their toll and i dont like the way that the class is not communicating now.
I wouldnt say that it's not my fault;afterall I'm in a way responsible for bringing up the class bonding-ness and stuff, but what else can I say and what else can I do now, when I'm no longer in-charge? Deep down I'm afraid of what people will say if I had taken bigger steps in this sensitive period.
For now I should focus on my academics instead. My grades have been dropping since the first test and I really need to buck up if I want to get anything at all. Let nature takes its course then for the rest of the stuff.
I'm so amazed at myself for being able to post 100 crappy stories online. I would have been a great funny joker in class had i put in more effort to become one.
which brings me back to the reason why I wanted to write this post.
It's just that school has started for 2 terms (omg really? to be exact 3 months if you count after CNY) and i felt that everyone has pretty much changed alot. like what I said in my previous post if you compare the photo we took during CNY celebration with the photo NOW you can basically notice a big big difference in people's expression, everyone is so tensed up nowadays and a lot of us had lost all that vigour and fun that we had back in Feb.
Seeing one of my classmates talking and laughing happily for 1/2 hour on wednesday made me wonder why we all dont do that more often. is it because it has gotten more competitive (yes I've been asked almost immediately "how much you get?" after every tiny quiz no matter how insignificant its overall percentage is), and sometimes I wished I had chosen to go for SMTP instead. Because even though I joked that "I cant get in la" deep inside I know that once I had made that decision I would really push and worked hard during the holidays. Like how I memorised all the pre-flight checks last year in one night because I didnt want my instructor to kick me out right from sortie 1.
It's not that I dont like my class. Really, I liked CLL class and how we sometimes would engage, or rather, listen to mingyuan and the teacher engage in intellectually stimulating debates about chinese. But i think all the work and the stress and now the pressure had taken their toll and i dont like the way that the class is not communicating now.
I wouldnt say that it's not my fault;afterall I'm in a way responsible for bringing up the class bonding-ness and stuff, but what else can I say and what else can I do now, when I'm no longer in-charge? Deep down I'm afraid of what people will say if I had taken bigger steps in this sensitive period.
For now I should focus on my academics instead. My grades have been dropping since the first test and I really need to buck up if I want to get anything at all. Let nature takes its course then for the rest of the stuff.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
chasing after portfolios...
I really dont understand why people have to be so worked up just because they didnt get what they want. I mean, fac comm results were released today (today right? im not sure hehe) and people were all "this failure"..."must learn to accept"..."must be contented"...
Is it because they are sorry they didnt get a chance to really do something for the faculty, or are they sad because they didnt get THAT chance to boost their portfolios??? Or is it because, that they have been successful so far in their lifes, and they really think that they are the best and that they are better than others and that they always deserve to get what they want to get????
I think that is the setback of being in a position that you havent experienced failure yet and you are 17/18/19. Because, being in successful in school is not equal to, and does not mean at all that you are going to be successul elsewhere. espcially when your JC is affliated with your secondary school and basically all the people get all the positions that they want because all their friends are voting for them.
Sadly, this is not the case at all when you are out in society. Sometimes I wonder if those so called high-achievers are really able to achieve at all after they have left the shelter of their schools.
btw, 63 has 5 fac comm members. OMG. hmm a class of talents haha.
Is it because they are sorry they didnt get a chance to really do something for the faculty, or are they sad because they didnt get THAT chance to boost their portfolios??? Or is it because, that they have been successful so far in their lifes, and they really think that they are the best and that they are better than others and that they always deserve to get what they want to get????
I think that is the setback of being in a position that you havent experienced failure yet and you are 17/18/19. Because, being in successful in school is not equal to, and does not mean at all that you are going to be successul elsewhere. espcially when your JC is affliated with your secondary school and basically all the people get all the positions that they want because all their friends are voting for them.
Sadly, this is not the case at all when you are out in society. Sometimes I wonder if those so called high-achievers are really able to achieve at all after they have left the shelter of their schools.
btw, 63 has 5 fac comm members. OMG. hmm a class of talents haha.
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