I realised that songs are actually connected to our memories. Like, when I hear certain songs i am always reminded of the activities that i had done related to that song. For example, there's the Ne-yo songs and beyonce songs that I heard when i was in sec 3 happily touring Australia with friends, so even though i stopped liking these songs now when I hear them I still feel very happy cos they remind me of those happy days. And there are the Hot N Cold by Kate Perry and Viva la Vida by Coldplay, whose songs i like cos I went to sing K with nana and ah ma, and they remind me of those 'adventures' and things. And cos I spent a good couple of late nights catching up with novels while listening to them so they kinda bring me back to those post-promos-but-not-yet-PW days as well.

emo一下~

我又回来emo了~~

也没什么啦，只是报馆的活动又和出国撞期，很不爽，也觉得很遗憾。以后要练的厚颜无耻一点，不是自己的错就不要给自己太大压力啦^^

想到来临的学校假期的活动，惊讶我给自己安排了这么多活动，也想到作出的选择。现在觉得每一个决定都揪心啊！不过老了以后应该不会觉得有什么大不了的，哈哈。

FOS

today was so fun. ahem ahem not the fos part though.

I tried alot of things that I wouldnt have dared to try before. but thinking about graduating next year and I felt that I should just do something on impulse once and not always be that good student.

anyway, that's beside the point.

went to k-box with ahma and nana. it was so fun! :D I spent 2 hours watching ah ma eat her extremely large set of breakfast, then nana eating her lunch set meal. then we went to k and sang some songs. apparently the two ahmas are not on good terms with wu-yue-tian, the convo went like this:

me:" what's this _(name of song)_ har?"
nana: "mayday song."
me:" orh. I dont know how to sing, maybe i heard the chorus but that's all." (push mike to ahma)
ahma: (push back to me, flash her signature bright smile).
nana: ......

------more singing and then:
me:" what's this __(name of song)__ har?"
nana: "mayday song."
me:" orh. I dont know how to sing, maybe i heard the chorus but that's all." (push mike to ahma)
ahma: (push back to me, flash her signature bright smile).

and it went on like this until it becaue default setting that nana shall just take over all the mayday songs.

then we tried this 天下无双, theme song for 神雕侠侣, and suddenly the light went off and the eerie "ah~~~" came out from the speaker. that was VERY nice.

haha i think this is the first time I actually enjoyed singing k-box. and muack muack ahma for paying for me! it was a nice bdae present i shall buy you a cat next year hahaha~~~

Sabbaticals

So my 2 days of sabbaticals just ended like this. It's probably the last sabbaticals in my pre-university life (god hopes that im not repeating this next year, if you get what I mean), and while I was stoning at night it makes me remember those days in Nanyang when we attended sabbaticals ever so often.



Well I had balloon sculpting yesterday, it was pretty cool and I was screaming (silently) during the beginning as I twisted the balloons. All this while while feiya expertly assembled hers in a matter of seconds based on the diagram alone. T.T life is not fair there are some people out there who are just better than others. Just like how I cannot do sports and stuff like this. Overall it was a good experience, I hadnt expect myself to enjoy this so much.



Today was clay target shooting!!! (much anticipated). I got a slight shock when I saw the shotgun cos it looked like those hunting ones shown in British films set during the Victorian Age. But it was really really cool when I shot and the gun had the recoil. (According to the instructor it's stronger than M-16). Actually, the first thought that I had when I saw experienced that recoil was, "How much force is produced by the gun on the shoulder?" with the physics diagram and all. haha I guess I'm still suffering from post-promos syndrome.

There's a lot more that I want to say, but find it hard to pen (urm, type) down those thoughts. Cos I was thinking about the flying and the training and stuff. nvm.

Cont'd from the previous post:

After reading alittle bit more about the story I kind of liked it. Cos this person (who stole my name) is this genius who got rid of 20 trained assassins that tried to take his (yeah he's a guy gosh) life. And apparently he is only 7 years old. yepp.

he can cook too^^ I like guys who can cook

I'm reading some random online story and I realised that they have plagarised my name!!!!! my name has been 华丽丽地盗用了……. go and die lah use my name! humph~

promos lalala~

I'm going to explode le due to all these stress.

Let's qing song yi xia!!

感谢的话

以前经常在email里看到这些话，虽然觉得很有意义，但没有深刻的体会。

最近我对生活做了一些思考，还有回顾这短短八个多月的校园生活，虽然我说不上经历了水深火热，但一些感触还是有的。在这里我要说明一下，我最讨厌那些“为赋新词强说愁”的青春少女们；我在这儿不是说自己经历的有多少，（当然这些和踏入社会后所经历的相比只是小儿科），只能说和以前比心脏比较“健康”了一些——更能承受打击和考验。我也不是在抱怨，其实我觉得过程虽然痛苦，但早一点接触就多一些免疫力嘛。总体来说我ok的。

感谢一路来支持我的姐妹/植物/蔬菜/动物/……们，在这里，也要感谢那些让我更深地体会到友情的……人们。

------------------------
《感谢》

感谢伤害你的人，因为他磨练了你的心志；

感谢欺骗你的人，因为他增进了你的智慧；

感谢中伤你的人，因为他砥砺了你的人格；

感谢鞭打你的人，因为他激发了你的斗志；

感谢遗弃你的人，因为他教导你应该独立；

感谢绊倒你的人，因为他强健了你的双腿；


凡事感激，学会感激，感激一切使你成长的人！

要说的话……

Alright, I know now is not a proper time to post.

1. I still have a ton of work not yet finished and given the workload I dont think I will ever be able to sleep until...maybe 5 days later.

2. Promos is coming. haha. (and one year later I'm going to look at this and say: so what, prelim is worse)

But oh well...

Well I shall not be emo this time, cos even though there are bad things that have happened, we all know that sometimes it is inevitable that we will meet some shitty guy in school who dont even deserve to be mentioned, so let's take these unpleasant encounters as part and parcel of life and throw them into the dustbin.

-------------------------------------------------
1. CCA
Had exco meeting with our teacher in-charge on Wednesday, and it made me realise how much things I want to do for the CCA and at the same time how little time we have. I can sort of understand the LEP Exco's feelings when they say that they were really excited about the TEKAN last year. I used to think that they are a little bit slack, cos that's part of the reason why we had to suffer AFTER BLOCK TEST, but now as I stand in the same position I have this ominious feeling that the same might just apply to all of us.

Because as much as I want to organise all the OCIP and stuff, I know that it will be very very VERY hard to do so next year, considering the fact that even councillors have stepped down by then. so even though everyone is so excited at the prospect of organising our own CCA CIP and travelling together overseas, things might not always work our way (considering that most of us are not in Singapore totally during the holidays.)

2. LEP
I dont know whether I should be thankful and happy or what. It's been a roller-coaster ride so far this year; half the time I have teachers who kindly give me all kinds of opportunities to prove myself and pushing me along the way, at other times I feel very pressured and scared that I might not perform up to their expectations, and sad that I cant score a high high HIGH CLL score.

Even now, when I already have three overseas trips packed to the brim during the holidays, (hey my 着陆时间 in Singapore is a pathetic 15++ hours for the entire hols this year) and now I received yet another offer to attend a prestigious winter camp in KunMing. Should I go, or not go?????? If there's anything I learnt in HwaChong these 2 years it would be to learn to make choices, and not to regret no matter the outcome. I think that I actually enjoy the learning process, and I am not a person who regret my decisions, and I really love my parents for their support. They are really great^^

there's more to write but I'm too tired to type...

anyway, here's a 经典语录 by 金鱼。she's more and more humurous nowadays so cute~~

语录#8
Lunch.
setting: canteen table, with about 8 of us eating together.

Nana: I realised that I always see 金鱼 eating curry.
...short silence....
金鱼: that's because I want to be a curry fishhead.
....silence.....huge round of applause.

I hope that I can lose all my fats this time.

Agendas for the week (s):

GP test

CSC test

CLL lecture test

Physics lecture test

CLL lecture test (again)

**the above activities are not inclusive of extra CLL enrichment programmes/CSC enrichment programmes/CLL activities/CLL prize presentation and many many more.

well since I have to take all these tests, I might as well take this opportunity and lose some weight muahahaha.

I realised that my previous posts have all been too emo. and so I shall revamp my image today ;)

anyways, I've been in a very excited state recently, like electrons that received too much light and from jumped up right to 7p orbital from 3p, haha. I recently discovered that I would be like this whenever I'm planning something evil (yeah yeah im a evil girl), like making all the guys in my class wear sarungs. Maybe it's in my genes that I like to this kind of saikang (mind you, this kind only. I do not accept other kinds of free labour). I dont mind running all around little india on a tiring tuesday afternoon, or walking all around AMK just to buy the cheapest cosmetics so that my dear CCA can save more money.

as of now, Im trying to think what to get for teachers' day. so far we've more or less settled most of the presents for mr lee, mr ng, and mrs tham. (I love RTFQ!!!XD)

lala~~~

and oh yeah I was thinking on another day that I should continue writing our online novel, 203号女生宿舍。sometimes I think that if we had done it in sec 1 tong and I might be able to contimue writing to the end, but so many things have happened and we are still at a miserable chpt 1. I've got many new ideas that suit the novel thanks to my dear class who makes me laugh everyday. ^^

经典语录#3

语录#5
（话说某一天……）

阿嬷（是偶啦，不要把偶跟另一个阿嬷搞混啊）：我的Artemis pullover 一直掉毛leh...
另一个阿嬷的娘：有一个办法，把有毛的东西放在热水里，再马上泡冰水，毛就会掉下来。以后衣服就不掉毛啦^^
另一个阿嬷：就像三温暖……所以如果我去泡三温暖的话……（毛会掉下来？）

语录#6
CT session. briefing about SL project.

同学甲快乐地与周公谈话中……睡醒了。
同学甲：what happened just now??
同学乙：talk about promos. very important.
同学甲：really? (turns to 金鱼）about what?
金鱼：……（狂笑中）

语录#7
econs lecture.

同学甲 gain falling asleep.
同学乙drawing one big circle on　同学甲's econ lecture notes, put asterik, and wrote "very important".
同学甲woke up. -->sees notes-->!?!?!?!?!

经典语录#2

经典#3
Mr Lee: you know, matches and satay sticks are really the same thing. All right, match is a wood, and satay stick may be a W--O--O--D!!!!!! but really, they are about the same la.

经典#4
Mr Lee: (addressing to a LT full of blur students in a WEP lecture) what is higher than the Mount Everest?

students:Zzzzz....??????

Mr Lee: (in monotone) the tree on top of the Mount Everest.

students: zz...!?!?!?!?

I really love my CT. he's like really nice and all. plus he gives us a lot of soft toys haha^^

Nostalgia...

As much as I want to be cool and appreciate what I have now, I couldnt help but to feel a sting of pain whenever I remember those days in choir, or when I see rioHC performing, singing, laughing and appearing on TV together. sometimes I wondered if that's the reason why I often refrain from speaking too much to "niu niu"; perhaps he reminds me too much of the things that I have lost and given up when I stepped out from M301 last year and never turned back again. For the past 8 months I have chosen not to remember, not to hear anything, and basically not talking much about my past CCA--a CCA that I have loved a lot.

there are times when I ask myself what is the reason that made me leave choir; I tell people that I want a new change, and that's the same reason that I gave myself when I painfully tore myself away from all those memories and remembrances. Deep in my heart I suppose that I love it alot; definitely more than I love LEP or ICS; after all, it has been my second home for four years and I have spent more time laughing and crying in it than in classrooms. The past four years were not a very happy one for me; I chose to become a introvert for no reason and hid my real self in my shell throughout my entire secondary school term. I think people who have no dedication towards their CCA in nanyang cannot understand what I'm feeling, to them CCA is just a place to earn points and nothing more than a reflection in testimonial. you cannot expect return when you did not put in effort in the first place.

Rational thinking and logic have told me that my choice had been a correct one; I have attained most if not all my goals that I set in the beginning of the year. (except the grades part).

I want LEP--I got it.

Scholarship--check.

open up more to people and make lots of friends--check.
contribute more to class--check.

have a fun cca--check.

ct rep--failed.

lep council--failed.

(one pres for cca is enough to make up for the above)

ocip cambodia--failed. (I'm pinning all hopes on Nanjing)

and above all, I got a bunch of buddies who care for me. I know that they truely wished me well and are the ones who really felt happy for me when I told them about my cca post. I can see from their eyes that they felt really sorry for me that I failed two elections in a row; and they are the ones who really congratulated me later on. Perhaps it's due to the lack of conflict of interest, but no one else's in my cca (except tong and ah ma), and the typical reaction is: portfolio and the like. I have expected the friendships to be beyond that...

I'm really looking forward to Nanjing trip. There are times when I see my friends and I feel this chasm between us growing wider and wider and I cant do anything. It's like a waltz gone all wrong; we takes turns to step but they are uncoordinated and we either end up bumping into each other or move away totally. Im pinning my hopes on the trip to bring back all that affections.

经典语录#1

经典#1：
话说某一天中午吃饭时。。。

京城来的金鱼（以下简称“京”鱼）：Ask you arh, what is the things that is greater than God, worse than evil, and if you eat it you die?

阿嬷：……
froggie: ……
阿嬷：……

京鱼：Nothing!!!

All: har?...suddenly reach epiphany...orh!!!...chey!?!


经典#2:
Friday morning and all the flag bearers are missing. As a result, there is not flag being raised while the national anthem was played. Man, this is probably the first time in my life. Oh wait. It IS the first time. haha.

After flag raising, as we were walking through central plaza:
Me: Nana, you know, there was no flag this morning?
Nana: (looking at the poles) got!!! see there're flags there.
Me: ...they raised it after wards.

...more to be come, but 阿嬷is too tired today, and i cant type anymore.

Racial Harmony Day, Zaobao, and EMB

I was wondering yesterday why Wen Cong would read Zaobao and get a snapshot of that small little piece of article I wrote about RHD. I mean, the article was so tiny I could barely see it when I flipped the paper through today.

Then, on the bus, I was wondering how chaoyong knows that I wrote a small little piece of article and got it published on Zaobao. (He was very nice about it though, thank you^^)

And just now (like, 10 seconds earlier), I was diligently reading everyone of those 38 unread msg on EMB and I FINALLY REALISED WHY!!!!!!

cos they put the article on EMB! but that's not the point.

they put my name (in bold) AND CLASS as well.

like, yeah I know they can just directly translate my name into Hanyu Pinyin and it'll sound the name, but how on earth did they 'kope' my class out? this is very very scary. I wrote something and the next thing I know, EVERY OTHER person knows that it was published in zaobao except me. it was kaien who tagged wen cong's photo who saw it on EMB and posted it on facebook.

..................

ok, im digressing away from my main point, as always. the truth is, i dont really mind my name and class appearing on EMB, but I'm super embarrassed this time because my article is very. very. VERY VERY short. the editors cut the entire chunk out and those printed on EMB is like my first 2 paragraphs. THE SUMMARISED version of my first 2 paragraphs.

and great, now everyone is gonna think that Lingxuan's chinese is so bad; she can only write 2 simple, dry paragraphs.

anyway, in case anyone wants to read, here's the original article :

难忘今天——华侨中学庆祝种族和谐日

咦？踢毽子、印度舞、娘惹糕、沙爹、传统服装秀……华侨中学（高中部）的学生们不在教室里好好上课，奇装异服地来学校干什么？原来是一年一度的种族和谐日到了。
今年，为了配合种族和谐日，华侨中学（高中部）举办了为期一周多姿多彩的活动，让学生在轻松愉快的气氛中了解认识不同种族的风俗和习惯。今年的主题是：“拥抱多元文化，建设共同社会”。
学校请专人准备了华、印、巫各民族的传统美食，供师生们品尝；还举办了各民族传统游戏比赛等；活动的高潮聚焦在评选班级最佳传统服装秀。为了以最亮眼的姿态出现，为班级争光，同学们从几个星期前就开始物色合适的服装。别看华侨中学是以华族学生占绝对优势，可学生们精心挑选的服装却是以其他民族的传统服装为主，有印度族、马来族、越南服装等等。女生们偏爱印族服装，可能和它讲究的用料、飘逸的造型，能够把女孩姣美的身段以婀娜多姿的形式展现出来有关吧。男生则注重团体的气势，整个班级统一着装马来服或印度服，突显其阳刚之气。压轴戏服装秀在星期五举行，星期五（2010年7月23日）当天，整个校园焕然一新，充满了节日的气息，缤纷的色彩洋溢着和谐与融洽。摄影社的学生们更是忙得不亦乐乎，他们设立免费照相处，为同学们捕捉这美丽的时刻。班级服装秀开始，整个礼堂的气氛马上沸腾起来，平日沉默寡言的同学们一到台上，都显现出另类的一面，走猫步的姿势可媲美专业模特儿，引起台下一阵阵喝彩声。
今年的桂冠——最佳传统服装奖，由理科班10S67摘得。女生的靓丽，男生的帅气，班主任的积极参与和支持，都在他们身着的传统服装中展现出来——拥抱多元文化，建设共同社会！10S67的黄诗荣同学说：“全班同学一起穿上传统服装是一个很特别的体验，特别是男生们，整班同学都穿上一样的沙笼，这样的经历恐怕今后都很难再有了，日后相信会成为美好的回忆。”黄巧玲同学也觉得，全班一起穿上传统服装体现了大家团结一致的精神，同学之间的感情也在过程中进一步加深。这正是庆祝种族和谐日的目的——虽然大家的背景和习俗不同，但因为有共同的目标，人们都团结一心，排除困难，一起迎接挑战。
每个新加坡人都应该庆祝种族和谐日，因为它能不断地提醒国人不要忘记历史的教训，让人人都怀有一颗感恩的心，不要把现在难得的和谐视作理所当然。全体国人应团结一心，珍惜现在，共同创造美好的明天！

照片：最佳传统服装奖—10S67班 班级合照 （由华侨中学（高中部）提供）
It's not great, I know.

this is a late post. but internet hasnt been working well and my finished post got deleted over and over again so it's harder each time to pick up and restart.

anyway, I just want to say that I was so happy on Friday!!! cos WE WON THE BEST DRESSED CT!!!! yay^^

i think the guys in my class are really really nice lor. i mean, i really understand that it takes a lot of courage for a guy to wear sarung for one whole day and walk around in the school in it. even though it is ethnic costume and all, the way they wear it it looks more like skirts. plus they have to put up with all the walking in small steps and sitting down properly in it.

so they were very nice!!! without them we wouldnt have made such a big impact. haha.

Racial Harmony Day

I'm so happy and hyper today. Cos my class is great. and my classmates are even greater. (pardon me for the wrong english usage)

they sliced me open with a knife and left me bleeding on my own. surprisingly i healed. at a pretty fast rate too. even though underneath my skin it still hurts but i try not to show it or rub at my scar that often.

i thought that that was the worst. but i was wrong.

just as i thought that i had fully recovered, they sliced me again, and on the exact same spot. Worse, the cut is deeper than the previous one, and you even poked at my most painful point. i try to think that you arent deliberate, but i hoped that you would just leave me alone. dont try to put in fake comforting words that dont sound sincere in the tiniest bit. sometimes i just need a quiet corner to tend to my wounds, and the last thing i need is to expose myself under the broad sun and wait to be eaten up by all of you.

i know that the worst is yet to come. i try to prepare myself beforehand and wait for the storm.

after this time, i hope that i will grow stronger. not just mentally, i have had enough of it already. i mean literally, physically. cos if there is one thing that i have learnt from all these battles, it is that only the strongest will survive. and sometimes, there just isnt any place for number 2s. be number 1 and look down at the rest, or be number 2 and bear the trauma that is worse than being a nobody.

I want a boyfriend

I want a boyfriend.
so that I can vent all my frustrations on him and cry and punch him because I'm freaking out now. It's 8.48pm on Monday night and I still cant finish my EoM and zuowen. And all those tutorials that I promised myself I would do.

I want to boyfriend because then I would realise how nice guys are. Im sorry to say it but I have a really really bad impression of the opposite sex now, thanks to my schoolmates. Some of them are gentlemen, and the rest are just childish imps who are big show-offs at the same time. I want more of the gentlemen kind.

Most importantly, they are good because then I can have someone to lean on (comfortably) and not on poor Jenn's shoulders everytime. I think she's going to grow shorter by the end of JC2.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok, the above is random. they do not reflect my real feelings.

The Hwa Chong library seriously has some problems with their admin. Perhaps they think that since most of the students are muggers, we are bound to go back to school (though I dont see the link between mugging and going to school), and thus will most definitely go to the library.

Because you see, when you borrow a book from the library during school holidays, you are supposed to return the book on the due date during the school holidays as well.

It all seems to make sense, and I'm beginning to think that I really deserve my fines for not going back to school to return the book. But one fine day I was thinking about Nanyang and all of a sudden I remember that (oh yes I remembered!) in Nanyang if you borrow a book just before the holidays the book will be due when term starts. Because, it is a school library-->it operates the school library way-->books are supposed to be borrowed for revision/reading/whatever purposes-->if you return the book during the holidays how are you supposed to use it?????????????

reflections of the holiday(?)

it seems that I have never had any june hol this year. yeah, sure, I went to camps (X3, to be specific), listened to lectures (definitely more than 10), ate wonderful food (who eats cheesecake in the morning?)and attended multiple events all on the same day. But as holidays are coming to the end and block test starting, I have been thinkng lately (while dazed at my physics paper and worrying about CLL and the not-yet-touched CSC) whether it was all worth it. Or rather, whether it was worth going for those events in the first place.

I suppose one would call it a 'fulfilling' month, because when people asked me what I have been doing during the holiday and I recounted those endless events that I attended, they usually commented on my hectic schedule and complimented(?) that I have been 'doing a lot'. And it was fun to some extent too. During those days I used this as an excuse not to mug and life revolves around going forvarious activities and sleeping. But lately I have found myself more pragmatic I suppose? as I weighed these so called 'committements' and lamented the fact that they cant be used in scholarship applications, nor portfolios.

Maybe I should just have worked harder, and focus on one or two or more of these, since anyway I have to spend so much time why not make it 'listed' in my portfolio?

-----this is a random break line cos the following paragraphs are of a totally differnt topic--

Well it might not have been a most satisfying holiday, I am still grateful for this timely break because it has helped me to gain back the balance, cool, and attitude that I had back when I was in Nanyang. I am not complaining about Hwachong, or the people; but it seems that there are a certain group of people who feel insecure, or who are simply too pleased with their achievements thus far, that they would often consciously or unconsciously hint to the rest that they are great and smart and capable. And I am ashamed to acknowledge that in a spite of anger at their attitudes I have downgraded myself to mimicking their actions.

So holidays have come I met my old friends who have been there with me when I was in secondary school, and it hit me right in the head one day in baoguan that I have become quite foolish and stupid (yes stupid) during that short journey in 1 1/2 terms that I have become exactly the type of people that I most hate. And sucking in those air that made my face burn in shame I hope that I have become the old me. i hope people interprete this positively.

我真的是需要一个假期吧……

以为我可以一直像个超人一样冲到底，但毕竟我只是普通人。

假期两天了，忙来忙去的同时我也想了很多（都是在等地铁的时候想的），对于Term1 Term2 的反思，还有未来的打算，对现在生活的看法。

在什么地方就要适应什么样的生活，我想，我没有抱怨的选择权。Week10的时候整个人就像个怨妇，很感谢同学门挺着耳朵听到底。至于其他的抱怨我就不说了。

去了报馆一下，仿佛回到了中学的世界。觉得自己这四个月来变的很肤浅。（近墨者黑？）

离开南洋后才发现我很怀念那些日子。我喜欢以前那种穿梭于两点一线外加concert的日子。

really feels very very guilty towards baoguan.

i havent been there for weeks, and I should have gone.

come to think of it,

it's been two months now.

yeah yeah I've done the editing and designed the layout, but those have been edited yet again by the zuzhangs and I havent really done much.

I think they are going to be disappointed.

come to think of it, I shouldnt have joined zaobao only this year. cos it's only after i started school that I realised that it's near impossible to go to baoguan on saturdays.

salute to those zuzhangs who have been going there all the while. they are really really IMBA.

looking at my ISP results and I was (am) so depressed...

and I felt worse as I was reading through the emcee script.

I really dont deserve the award. best student????? and this is the kind of shit result I produce????

i mean, i can push the blame to the project for CSC, for the fact that i just scraped through a B (a B!!!!!! sounds nice yeah, but it's a 60% only. pass, in my words)

this is really, really the first time I'm doing so badly for all my subjects. I mean, I didnt really do my homework and stuff back when I was in Nanyang, but I can still do well in my tests and at the end of the term, i just joked that my daily assignments pull me down by like, 5 marks/per subject.

and gone were those days when I can slack through.

I mean, really, i got no one to blame. I did slack alot after the Japan exchange programme, I think it somehow sucked my soul out of me cos i was so tired and so tired everyday. and i never really recovered.

still, it doesnt erase the fact that my reults were disappointing and that i've disappointed my teachers. and betrayed those trust that they had given me. god knows how much opportunities they gave me to help me be a better student and build on my portfolio.

Still, better keep this in my head all the time!!! it's really a wake up call now and what the seniors and teachers say are true--in JC you cant just study the day before and hope that you can do well. it takes practise and discipline and REAL work

I want to slap myself.

I just realised that my previous post was the 100th.

I'm so amazed at myself for being able to post 100 crappy stories online. I would have been a great funny joker in class had i put in more effort to become one.

which brings me back to the reason why I wanted to write this post.

It's just that school has started for 2 terms (omg really? to be exact 3 months if you count after CNY) and i felt that everyone has pretty much changed alot. like what I said in my previous post if you compare the photo we took during CNY celebration with the photo NOW you can basically notice a big big difference in people's expression, everyone is so tensed up nowadays and a lot of us had lost all that vigour and fun that we had back in Feb.

Seeing one of my classmates talking and laughing happily for 1/2 hour on wednesday made me wonder why we all dont do that more often. is it because it has gotten more competitive (yes I've been asked almost immediately "how much you get?" after every tiny quiz no matter how insignificant its overall percentage is), and sometimes I wished I had chosen to go for SMTP instead. Because even though I joked that "I cant get in la" deep inside I know that once I had made that decision I would really push and worked hard during the holidays. Like how I memorised all the pre-flight checks last year in one night because I didnt want my instructor to kick me out right from sortie 1.

It's not that I dont like my class. Really, I liked CLL class and how we sometimes would engage, or rather, listen to mingyuan and the teacher engage in intellectually stimulating debates about chinese. But i think all the work and the stress and now the pressure had taken their toll and i dont like the way that the class is not communicating now.

I wouldnt say that it's not my fault;afterall I'm in a way responsible for bringing up the class bonding-ness and stuff, but what else can I say and what else can I do now, when I'm no longer in-charge? Deep down I'm afraid of what people will say if I had taken bigger steps in this sensitive period.

For now I should focus on my academics instead. My grades have been dropping since the first test and I really need to buck up if I want to get anything at all. Let nature takes its course then for the rest of the stuff.

chasing after portfolios...

I really dont understand why people have to be so worked up just because they didnt get what they want. I mean, fac comm results were released today (today right? im not sure hehe) and people were all "this failure"..."must learn to accept"..."must be contented"...

Is it because they are sorry they didnt get a chance to really do something for the faculty, or are they sad because they didnt get THAT chance to boost their portfolios??? Or is it because, that they have been successful so far in their lifes, and they really think that they are the best and that they are better than others and that they always deserve to get what they want to get????

I think that is the setback of being in a position that you havent experienced failure yet and you are 17/18/19. Because, being in successful in school is not equal to, and does not mean at all that you are going to be successul elsewhere. espcially when your JC is affliated with your secondary school and basically all the people get all the positions that they want because all their friends are voting for them.

Sadly, this is not the case at all when you are out in society. Sometimes I wonder if those so called high-achievers are really able to achieve at all after they have left the shelter of their schools.

btw, 63 has 5 fac comm members. OMG. hmm a class of talents haha.

高中不是个好东西啊……

一个阳光明媚的星期六（至少早上是这样），被叫去写作文（ok我没有抱怨他其实挺好玩的），同时还有CCA和报馆。
报馆这是第几周没去了我都不记得了。

这不叫两面不是人，而是三面不是人好吗。

我不是不想去，是HELLO??????我不可能同时出现在三个地方。

lala im 18 now...

Today is my birthday!!! woohooo!!

after 17 years of bdae anticipation I think i might have just gotten rid of that problem. I remembered that when I was 8 years old turning 9, I would count down to my birthday 3 months before and everyday all I could think of is what cake I should get. I mean, it's not like I don't get to eat cakes on other days, but I think the prospect of singing song and blowing candle is kind of very alluring. Well I still think it is.

I was wondering today, when I woke up in the morning, why I don't feel all the adrenaline rush as I always did before? perhaps it is due to the fact that school ends at 5pm today and that I have CSC tomorrow, so I'll most probably end up mugging tonight and don't really get any real celebration time. Or perhaps it's just all those years in Nanyang when I hoped and got disappointed so I don't really think about it anymore. I strongly suspect the latter haha.

Still, I was touched by my friends who wished me happy birthday and gave me the presents. Thanks Jenn Shen Le Mingyuan for the treat on Monday (haha and burning a hole in your pocket), I'm not a very expressive person in nature (despite the fact that I talk a lot in class) so I didnt really show how happy I was. and to Nana who gave me all the pretty earrings!! I was planning to buy new pairs but always don't have time. So I really liked that ^^.

And Lanxin who called me so many times but I kept missing them! O.o oh well i just have a very very not-so-accomodating timetable. Still I really appreciated that!
and kaien! haha whether you are joking or not it's still quite fun la hahaXD

And of course jian xun! (hmm if i write your name like this wont get seen by googling them right?) It's a miracle that I've got yet another classmate who has the same birthday as me. and that card is really really nice present le, though just as you predicted you wrote my name wrongly hehe.

Lastly to all those who wished me happy birthday!

oh btw, 本人 did a test on Facebook just now. you know, i had always clicked 'dont show my birthday" on facebook, so at 6.30pm I changed it to 'show birthday" and then birthday wishes started to flood in^^ oh well let's not explore too deep into what this means. just want to say a big thank you to everyone!

Really, I'm a person who wouldn't judge how big the present is or what you give. Like what I gave others as presents, what I really like is the 心意 and the warm feeling that just flows out.

Overall it's been a pretty ordinary but wonderful and sweet day. cos this is posted on the blog i hope not-so-many people can see it. ^^

I will be strong

I will be strong and brave through this dark period.

Yeah I will!!!!!!!

Even though life sucks now and I'm so stressed out and tired that I'm afraid I'll just break down any minute.

加油凌暄! 加油加油加油加油加油加油！

I'm sure I can do it. Yeah. I must be strong and cheng xia qu. Now is the least time that I should fall. No way.

Cos no matter how much life is difficult right now, all the difficulties will eventually come to an end. Yep.

Smile!!!!! ^^

videos and memories and more

Watching the Fac Dance video and the Batch Dance video brought me back to those memories that were from not so long ago...but they seemed like last year.

And they made me remember all those enthu-ness that i used to have when I first stepped into Hwa Chong, as a newbie who doesn't know how to get from A201 to A212. And who doesn't know that the track actually belongs to high school.

Somehow those feelings wore away. fast. perhaps it's due to the lack of sleep and the stress (and as I've come to realise, peer-pressure).

but bit by bit i thought that i was losing all those energy. like what i said in sec 3, like a battery that needs to be recharged but doesnt get the chance, so i'll just slip away and wait for the holidays to start, only to charge back only at the level to enable normal day-to-day functioning.

so last night, when i downloaded (painfully) all those videos into my iTouch and watched them over and over again, thinking about those days when i spinned (often in the wrong direction -.-) dancing with random people and wondering about all the days after orientation.

I used to think that climbing up the Audi and staring at the lecturer (who became tiny XD) was a very cool thing, cos it reminds me of those choir days when we came into the audi and marvel at how big (and ugly) the audi it is. And it is a total different feel than sitting in the Nanyang LT. (though for physics lecture it isn't)

But now because I am so tired and so sleepy i just think that audi is a torture. You know during IP orientation I loved walking through the door and passing by the front row, but now because i have to chiong for class most of the time i only feel dread.


ok, back to the point of discussion.

The whole dance video thing is like a council promotion. like, seriously, they should play it over and over again to encourage ppl to go for council. I totally got back all those drive (etc) to "serve the school and student body". something i realised that I really liked (not for the leadership points but yeah sth i liked).

school...

sometimes I just feel so tired trying to make things work. And at the same time I don't know whether i'm doing the right thing. Like should I just heck care? Or should I just work a bit harder?

And I read don't know what the others are thinking. Sometimes I would really mind what they think of me, and at other times I would think "just let it be".

they say, 走自己的路，让别人去说吧。It's really a thing that's easier said than done.

I think that maybe it's because I've been trying too hard to appear "invisible" during those years in Nanyang, or maybe it's just because I really really want a fresh beginning; for the past few weeks since school started I've been acting like a different person altogether. i think that if i have had a friend in the same class as me I wouldnt be acting like this. Like trying to be enthu and stuff. Maybe i've been too oppressed cos the past few years I tried too hard to ditch my primary school self. and now I'm going too all-out because i hate my secondary school self and want to change. Or maybe I'm just lost in the middle of all these 'self-discovery' journeys. oh well.

ok. enough about all these emo-ing. well come to think of it, I've hardly emo-ed at all for the past few weeks, not because i'm bubbly or optimistic, but because I hardly have time to sleep, let alone drown in my own sorrow about nothing at all.

well at least that's a change. once term 2 starts I think I will revert to my old self again, that quiet, reserved (and somewhat invisible) person who sits at a corner comtemplating about my future and what will happen 20 years later. haha. nevertheless the new environment has done some good to me I suppose, and even if people dont really like me deep inside, well at least I pretend not to know. who cares, nobody is going to remember what happens now after a few years, and what's important is that I enjoy myself and really try all-out. "self-discovery".

Ever since school started after CNY i have never slept before 12.

Oh well, except yesterday.

Cos i fell asleep on the table so i have no choice but to continue sleeping.

I think i wont be suffering from any jet lag now if i were to go to a foreign country. cos my biological clock is no longer functioning normally.

Timetable

i think that I might just be having the most un-organised timetable. okay, maybe apart from my (7) other classmates who are just as unlucky as me. On the other side, this timetable has made me made my final decision--that is, to NOT join choir. And NOT to join council. Cos I have no idea how this timetable can allow me to join any CCA in the first place.

Last year when I heard that Chiling has a 4 hour break in one of her 5 days I thought that that was bad enough. I mean, 4 hour break?? But now I look at my timetable and I can only say that I hope I have her luck.


Friday
07.50-09.30: GP (T)
09.30-10.30: MA (T)
10.30-11.00: Break (Yeah try to eat lunch in 1/2 hour)
11.00-12.00: PH (L)
12.00-13.00: PW
13.00-14.00: MA (L)
14.00-15.00: Break
15.00-16.00: CT
16.00-16.30: break
16.30-18.00: CSC enrichment

In yet another one of my 冲动s, I decided to learn to play "A Thousand Miles" on the piano. and hopefully I can master the art of playing and singing at the same time. It's just it turns out that the song has quite a weird tempo for a 4/4. yeah. I always thought that it's 7/8 or something.

我觉得我真是一个孝顺的好孩儿啊，因为我每天都帮我老爸老妈偷菜。真奇怪，一个这么简单的游戏，竟然还惊动了我全家人，弄得我网速都慢了。郁闷~~

好开心啊……

我昨天下报馆了！！！

虽然是第一次去锐鹰的排版，不过大家对于我这个突然闯进来的菜鸟还很热情的~~！！虽然我什么都不会，只是站在电脑后面看妍欣排版哈哈~~

其实我去之前还是很紧张的。毕竟我都没有去过锐鹰的meeting，（因为没有check blog的习惯，都不知道什么时候应该去>.<) 最多去了gathering而已。可是大家对我都很好噢！ 让我这个都已经上初院的人突然觉得自己还是蛮小的，还需要别人照顾哈哈。

所以一天下来，我好像什么忙都没帮上！（做的唯一的工作就是做了一份很长很长的survey）真的是很不好意思啊。特别是对丽娜，你刚补习完我还一直打给你问你畅谈天的事情，只一个版面而已我也没帮得上忙，真的是抱歉抱歉（乘以很多次）。

嗯。but this is not the whole story.

我还买了DeathNote整套的漫画！！！ 虽然可能有点过时，不过这毕竟是我中二时的梦想。还有我可是思考了整整两个多月才鼓起勇气去买的欸！荷包大出血啊。不过太开心了，所以就蹦蹦跳跳去了报馆啊！然后就一直呆到7点才回家。

My all-time favourite

After one year of American pop/random bubblegum songs on Youtube/Random Chinese songs, I am proud to say that I have finally found my true love--Classical Piano.



2:06 - Scherzo No. 2 Op. 31, in B-flat minor
11:56 - Andante Spianato preceding the..
16:28 - Grande Polonaise Brillante in E-flat major, Op. 22

25:17 - (applause)

Piano Concerto No. 1 in E minor, Op. 11
28:47 - I: Allegro maestoso
49:15 - II: Romance, Larghetto
59:07 - III: Rondo, Vivace

1:08:41 (closing applause)

lala~~the first post in 2010

Yesterday I went to NTUC with my dad to buy (I forgot what) and my dad wandered off and I wandered off too, like I always do. Then I remembered that I'm supposed to take pork ribs so I went to take 2 packets of pork ribs. And when I came back, I found out that my basket was stolen!!! Some weirdo took out the stuff in my basket and put it on the nearby shelf, then took my basket and went off. I mean, people actually steal NTUC baskets IN NTUC??? I mean, come on, if they want to steal go steal trolleys mah!!! at least can get 1 dollar right!!! why do they have to steal my NTUC basket?????? and as you know, the AMK HUB NTUC is very big, so I have to walk from one end of the supermarket to the other near the entrance to take a new one, at the same time carrying pork ribs and some random stuff. If I ever catch that person who stole my basket I'm going to kick his butt. Humph.

and this is why my first post in 2010 is about a stolen NTUC basket in NTUC. lol.